One thought that keeps lingering in the minds of PCOS women is “how do I explain this to my husband.” Although it might be a challenge for your female partner to describe it to you, it’s important you know what is happening. They will need your support and help to get through the moody afternoons, painful periods and fertility issues that come along with PCOS.
When she cancels plans at the last minute or she keeps feeling insecure about how she looks, you need to know how to handle it, instead of brushing off saying, “Why are you being so snappy today?” or “I can never understand women.”
What Is PCOS
You might already know at this point that it has something to do with her periods. To put it in simple terms women ovulate and release an egg each month and when the egg is not fertilised by the sperm it comes out as her period. For women with PCOS, ovulation does not occur because of cysts present in the ovaries and it causes irregularities in her periods. Yes, it majorly affects her ovaries, but it is also more than that. Your confident, independent partner is forced to deal with weight issues, hair loss, acne, hair in unusual places, excruciating pain, intense mood swings, anxiety, depression, a tonne of uncertainty and fear of not having kids and no! Every time she misses her period does not mean she’s pregnant.
How To Talk To Your Partner About PCOS
You need to approach this with grace and tenderness; she is probably already grateful that you are making an effort to understand what she is going through. PCOS can be maintained with diet and exercise but there is no cure and she is probably worried about it, so try to bring in a positive outlook with optimism and a little humour but be realistic. Discuss what steps she could take to feel better and maintain health. Don’t give too many solutions, but listen to her worries patiently. Offer to pick up her medicine or accompany her to gynaecologist appointments. PCOS is going to affect your sex life and if you both want kids, getting pregnant is going to be extremely hard and painful for her, so make sure she knows you are willing to work together on solving these issues.
What She Wants You To Know
PCOS can make her feel extremely unattractive. She is very insecure about extra facial hair, acne and the fact that she is struggling with weight loss. You might not care about her weight or her hair, but she does and will be extremely troubled by it. She will be mindful about what she eats and it's not because she’s dieting but because she’s following a PCOS diet advised by her doctor. Managing PCOS can be expensive - the frequent doctor visits, medication and dietary needs can be heavy on the wallet. If she’s dependent on you financially, try not to complain about it because this was not what she choose, she wants it gone more than you do.
What You Can Do For Her
Some days are better than others. PCOS does not affect just her ovaries but affects every area of her life. The hormone imbalances can manifest into irritability, lethargy and short temper so love her through it all. Support your partner by eating healthy with her and being active. Take her on long walks and trekking trips. Make her feel valued and beautiful by appreciating her for taking care of the family and work while also managing her health. She needs to hear it from time to time. The hardest part you will need to get through is dealing with fertility issues (it’s not impossible but might take longer) have plenty of conversations about it and come up with a game plan to make her pregnancy as easy as possible.
What To Say And What Not To Say
- Don’t Say - Is that hair on your chin?
What To Say - I feel so comforted having you by my side or any other reassuring love languages
- Don’t Say - Why so grumpy?
What To Say - Hi do you need to take some me-time? I can manage at home
- Don’t Say - Gosh, stop worrying about having kids now! Let’s think about it later
What To Say - I understand that pregnancy can be a concern for you. We could consult a gynaecologist and come up with a plan
- Don’t Say - What is all this yucky food, it’s like you are always on a diet
What To Say - Let’s cook something healthy together, I just saw this tasty low carb recipe
- Don’t Say - Cheer up! You don’t have to be so moody all the time
What To Say - What would make you feel better? Would you like me to drive you to the gym?
PCOS is a challenge for couples for sure, so it’s important to have ongoing discussions about it and be willing to be flexible about how you do things.